Men are pretty!
Would you call a man pretty? Why or why not? I don’t hear it often. Perhaps people might say ‘he’s handsome’ or ‘cute’. I am a guy and remember someone calling me pretty. It changed my life. I’ll tell you why.
I was sitting on the end of my bed. I think I was looking out the window a bit dreamily. Her eyes were fixed on me when she told me I was pretty. But then she started to correct herself and said ‘handsome, sorry’. I forgot about this moment but some time later, it started to nag at me. What does “pretty” really mean? Why did she correct herself? Do I correct myself?
Growing up, I never realized that I could be pretty. I think I would say that pretty means being elegantly beautiful. What does that mean? A summer breeze, perhaps. The image of men I grew up with was one of strength, sharpness, and versatility. A representation of a man shaped by 19th‑century United States workplace ideals. Not really pretty. I automatically assumed that I should be like that, too. My idea of what a man is, masculinity, was limited. There is nothing wrong with men wearing a mask of masculinity built around being strong and steady.
However, it is one of many masks.
Words represent things. They help us make sense of the things around us. We have conceptual maps of meaning in our minds, and language allows us to express those meanings. So, when I heard the words, ‘I am pretty’, I connected my understanding of ‘pretty’ to myself.
It allows me to put on another mask that reflects who I am. And not because I want to hide behind the mask. No, it is freeing to wear a mask. It can be freeing to take on a role and perform, let’s say. But some performances are valued more than others depending on the context and the time.
It can also be scary to be given a mask that you don’t want. I think that’s why some men can feel threatened when someone calls them pretty. Suddenly, they can’t fulfill their role as a man. And how scary is that? Suddenly, you can’t be something that you want to be. And it might reproduce specific masculinities that can be limiting. They are reinforced by men themselves and by others. But if being pretty is a mask then it becomes less threatening. It becomes a product of play.
Being pretty allowed me to connect with my joy. It connected me to the version of myself that expressed beauty. It came with the realization that I am beautiful and can make my own choices and feel my feelings.
I wonder what other ways I will find to play and express myself. Anyway, I hope you can feel pretty too if you want. It changed my life.
